Before we have a chance to know ourselves, we are conditioned to receive external validation from people. To tell us we're worthy. To tell us we're lovable. To make us feel important. To reassure us that we matter. To meet needs we may not even know how to name ourselves. And then we can find ourselves deeply dependent on what other people give—or don't give—to determine how we feel about ourselves. But here's the problem: No one is going to anchor you into your sense of self before you can....

One of the things we tend to do in relationships is use what we know to argue with what we feel. "I know my mother loved me." "I know my partner loves me." "I know they care about me." And all of those things may be true. But knowing someone loves you and feeling loved in the relationship aren't necessarily the same experience. Knowing you are loved and feeling you are loved are two completely different things. Love Isn't Only Something We Know We experience relationships through our nervous...

One of the things I want people to understand about healing is that insight matters... but your nervous system also needs new experiences. You can understand exactly where a response came from. You can connect all the dots. You can recognize that something happening today reminds you of something that happened years ago. And your body can still respond as though the original threat is happening right now. That's because your nervous system isn't only responding to what you consciously know....